Heartbroken yet another time....

I feel pathetic right now. Yet again I fell into the trap and didnt even know. I was just used like some cheap toilet paper. I felt sorry for him and now, look who's heartbroken yet again. I am no baharwali, rakhel, or a shangri. Ahhhh.... as much as it hurts and as much as I miss him I was doing fine living my own life, and now again I feel like my heart just hit the ground. Why do you keep doing this to me? After all I'm a human too, it hurts ok. I'm broken, completely broken, mentally and emotional!!! Are you really this heartless? You used to be in love with me once. At least for the sake of those times, just let me be, leave me alone please. Dont you have a heart? Even when I try to ignore you, you insist on talking to me or meeting me only to end up being "I have to go pick/call her up". If that was the case then why do you insist on talking to me. Why are you so manipulative? And poor me I keep falling for it over and over again. I keep telling myself that I am done crying over you, but the truth in I love you a lot.  I hate you so so so much, but more than that I hate the fact that I love you so much!!! I'm sorry I know I said I'll try my best to avoid making this blog very personal-diarish, but I can't help it. This is my only outlet.